Something fishy on Bingo night…

There were murmurings at the Banningham Crown on Tuesday after an evening of Fish, Chips and Bingo. What was to be done? Should the Parish Council be told? A re-match, perhaps? And it had all started so well…

Keith should be on telly

The great and good of the district gathered in the large back room at the Crown with the prospect of an evening of fun ahead. The event had been organised by the TTs and was hosted by semi-professional Bingo-Caller Keith accompanied by his charming assistant and ball-wrangler, David.

Over forty Tuttington residents were in attendance and it was really good to see so many of the new people to the village coming along. Kit and his party arrived too after a particularly challenging session of Dachshund dressage training at Tuttington’s new dog park.

Eyes down!

Everyone took their place at table and in the general hubbub were amused by the table games, especially the picture quiz to identify favourite chocolate bars from their cut ends. Just before the fish and chips were served, the choc pic quiz was marked and it was at this point that the first signs of what was to come became apparent. 

Jane was very pleased with her score of seven and a half out of twenty which was surprising since she had set the quiz. But, it was on one table – which for the purposes of future reference we will call “the top table” – that the truly surprising score of 20/20 was achieved. There were murmurings that someone on the top table might have a “history of chocolate”. The first prize was awarded (chocolate) to general applause and consumed with copious fish and chips (thanks to Jeanie and her team).

David wrangles his balls

And on to the main event: Bingo. After a detailed explanation of the rules and conventions of the game, duly forgotten by one member present (Jane), there was first a trial run. Keith started slowly and with good intentions announcing ‘two fat persons, 88’ but this had regressed back to the norm by the end of the evening. There were others that time had left behind like ‘key of the door, 21’ and 77 (Sunset Strip- who remembers that TV show from the 50s and 60s?). A player at one table quietly recounted the tale of a Bingo session with a drunk caller who shouted ‘legs, 56’ and ‘on its own, 23’ etc.

Dubious crowd on the 'Top Table'

Subsequent Bingo games became progressively faster but a limit was reached when everyone became aware that Keith’s assistant David was having trouble with his balls. During each game, he couldn’t get them out fast enough, and at the end he had trouble getting his balls back in. At one point, everyone was alarmed when David dropped one of his balls on the floor! Despite these difficulties, David did a great job, as did Keith, keeping everyone amused and on track.

Jackie cracks a joke about quantum field theory and universal framework strings

But then, questions began to be asked. Jackie was first to point out something about the odds of winning at Bingo. She told her table that while she was an infant at Colby school many years before, she recalled one lesson in advanced statistical analysis and linear regression theory that to win at Bingo was pure chance. How then, she queried, did folk at the top table manage to win more prizes than anyone else? This question was never quite answered but suspicions remain.

In spite of everything, a good time was had by all. And, after the last prize had been awarded, and the applause had died away, weary but happy Bingo players left for home with boxes of chocolate Heroes and bottles of wine jangling in the pockets of the winners (mostly from one table). The TTs should be congratulated on yet another well organised event.